Sure, dating apps like Tinder have taken some of the anxiety out of finding potential partners. Whether you’re looking for a casual hook up or the start of something new, being able to nearly anonymously connect with others takes a little bit of the edge off the awkwardness of the whole process.
Still, it’s always nerve-wracking to get involved in a new relationship, especially for the person who sent the first message in a Tinder exchange. Has the person read my message? Are they just ignoring me? Is there a way for me to tell if they’ve read the message? Can I find out for sure if someone has read or reacted to your opening line on the dating app? Was it something I said, or am I going to be left wondering forever?
Tinder has alleviated many of the challenges of dating but has also created some too. Like many social apps, it creates a totally different sense of expectation that can make using the app more difficult than it should be, and while no more difficult than dating in real life, still offers similar challenges, one of which is the fear of rejection.
For some, dating does not come naturally. The shy, the naturally reticent, or introverted folks can have as much of a challenge on Tinder as they do in real life. For these individuals, the upside is that you don’t have to look the person in the eye to make that first move. While rejection is possible, the chances of actually having to awkwardly interact with a failed Tinder match in the future are pretty slim.
Did They Read Your Tinder Message?
You may notice that there aren’t any notifications on your Tinder conversations indicating whether your message has been sent, received, or read. This is intentional. Tinder used to have read receipts back when the app first launched but they were removed after user feedback (particularly from women). This is mixed news for users.
Removing read receipts means you, as the sender, will never know if the person read it, laughed at it and moved on, or hasn’t even seen the message. It also removes some of the anxiety of knowing a message has been read and nothing happens. It’s definitely nerve-wracking but in a slightly different and less confrontational form.
Here’s one little piece of advice to (hopefully) help you feel a little better: the lack of action after you send that first message is normal for all online dating and not just Tinder. For whatever reason, sometimes people just don’t reply to the messages they receive. It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person – it’s just something we all have to get used to and come to terms with. Be approachable and authentic, and do your best to not be an online creep, and you’ll know that things just didn’t work out. Either way, silent rejection is all part of the fun that is online dating.
Paid Read Receipts
Starting in June of 2019, Tinder began rolling out a paid “read receipts” function. Read receipts can be purchased in groups of 5, 10, and 20, and any time you activate the feature on a conversation, that counts as one use.
Everyone can turn Read Receipts on or off in their settings menu. If you leave the setting at its default (on), then someone who purchases read receipts can apply those receipts to your conversation, and they will start getting notifications that you have seen their messages.
If you turn the setting off, then people will not be able to use a read receipt on your conversations. So, even if one party has paid for the read receipts, they will not appear unless the intended recipient has their read receipt notifications set to “on.” The good news is that Tinder won’t let that usage go through, so those “bounced” read receipts can be used for another conversation.
The receipts packages work per match – that is, once you’ve applied read receipts to a match, you’ll get receipts on all your messages to that match for as long as your conversation lasts.
Go to the conversation you’re interested in
Click on the option to ‘Get Read Receipts
Follow the on-screen prompts to purchase your read receipts. You will need to turn on this feature for each profile you’re communicating with.
Write a Message to Get a Reply
Assuming that you aren’t going to shell out the money to be informed for sure whether your matches have gotten your messages, how can you increase the chances that they’ll reply?
There are a few things you can do to increase your chances of getting a reply to your messages in Tinder. While there is no such thing as ‘guaranteed success’, if you follow some of these tips, you stand a much better chance of hearing back and perhaps even meeting up for a date.
Here are a few things to try to get a reply on Tinder:
Plan it first
It is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of finding a match on Tinder, but don’t get carried away. Try to restrain yourself a little and take the time to read their bio, check out all of their pics, and build a picture of who they are in your mind. Use this picture to form your reply.
Use their profile for inspiration
Take what you have learned about them and mention something in your message. If they play guitar and you do too, use that. If they love the same sports teams you do, use that in some way. If you share interests, jobs, fantasies, tastes, or anything like that, mention it in your message.
People are far more likely to respond to a message from someone they already have common ground with. Dating is tough and if some of the hard work is done for you, like having something to talk about or even just break the ice with, psychologically that’s a big boost, for both of you.
Again, don’t try to make the pieces fit. If the other person loves running, don’t try to be the joker who says “I ran once… out of pizza!” Save that one for a time when you can give it a little more context. Instead, focus on something you can relate to: “I see you like running. I’m not much of a runner myself, but I love hiking! Do you ever go to (local trail)?” The other person will be much more likely to reply to a message that is in the context of a conversation they actually want to have.
If you don’t have an obvious common ground, ask a question, or show interest in them. If you can ask a humorous question, all the better, but avoid being too “out there” at first. Anyone who has been dating for more than five minutes has already heard a lot of corny stuff, so avoid actually scaring someone with an overabundant use of creativity. Use what you see and compose a reasonably intelligent or funny question and send it. What have you got to lose?
Regardless of why anyone is using Tinder, they like to see a little respect for who they are as a person. Show interest in an intelligent way and you stand a much higher chance of getting a reply.
Use a GIF or Meme
GIFs and memes can be tricky, because sometimes what you might find hilarious will be borderline offensive to someone else, especially when you know essentially nothing about them. However, there are a lot of goofy GIFs out there that might cause nothing more terrifying than a little chuckle, so if you have some funny GIFs, don’t be afraid to use them. I see lots of them in use on Tinder so don’t be afraid to use them in a message.
If you cannot think of any common ground or something funny to say and questions aren’t your thing, an amusing GIF or meme that you think fits the situation might just work!