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240 Funny WhatsApp Statuses to Make Your Friends Laugh

240 Funny WhatsApp Statuses to Make Your Friends Laugh

When it comes to getting a quick message to nearly anyone in the world, modern techno-users have plenty of options. But in that crowded field, the Facebook product WhatsApp has risen above the rest to become one of the world’s favorite ways to send messages. WhatsApp has built a huge user community, largely due to its incredibly simple interface, and it allows free voice and text communication between individuals all around the world without raising your phone bill. Adding to the appeal of WhatsApp are its platform-agnostic philosophy and the fact that, unlike Facebook Messenger, the app doesn’t bog your phone down with games and other nonsense that don’t relate to its main purpose. It’s a very simple texting interface that allows you to communicate with nearly anyone, anywhere, anytime, without all the red tape, charges, or distractions.  Whether you’re trying to keep in touch with family in another country or your buddy across the street, WhatsApp is the go-to app for casual, straightforward communication.

Statuses in WhatsApp

While WhatsApp tries very hard to distinguish itself from its social media cousins, it does have one social media-type feature that has become very popular:  Statuses. You can set a status in WhatsApp, which lets your friends see what you’re up to without having to ping you with a message or a call. This could be anything from a green dot to indicate you’re available to chat, an away message, or a serious threat against anyone who dare disturb you.

Beyond the basic statuses of  “Available” or “Away,” WhatsApp lets you add your own text message to show as your status. This makes the feature kind of a combination of the old-school status and a short Facebook or Twitter update. It’s a very popular feature, since it lets you give out meaningful or amusing information without forcing people to ping you to be updated and forcing you to respond. It’s just there and visible, so you can literally tell people what you’re doing. You can also send out an active status update to all of your contacts to let them know you’re ready to talk!

How to Change your WhatsApp Status

There are two types of WhatsApp status: your “About” (the old-school way of status-setting), which sets the status people see when they look at your profile, and the relatively new “Status” page (a knock-off Instagram stories feature), which sends out an update. The two statuses are different; changing one will not change the other.

Changing the Permanent Status

  1. Open the WhatsApp app.
  2. Tap the three-dot icon in the upper right corner of the screen.
  3. Tap “Settings” in the menu that pops up.
  4. Tap your name, then tap the edit button (the pen icon) under “About”.
  5. Select a default status from the menu, or tap the edit button under “Currently set to” and type a new status.
  6. Hit the back button in the upper left-hand corner twice.

Sending Out a Status Update

  1. Open the WhatsApp app.
  2. Tap the “Status” tab between the “Chats” and “Calls” tab at the top of the app.
  3. Tap “My Status”.
  4. Add a new picture or video and a caption.
  5. Hit the right arrow button to send the status out to your contacts list.

Note that unlike the permanent status update above, the statuses you send out to your contact list will disappear after 24 hours.

WhatsApp statuses are not only for serious communication. What would be the fun in that? If you’re looking for a funny WhatsApp status to make your friends chuckle, we’ve got some great suggestions for you. With these hilarious statuses, you’ll be able to grab your friends’ attention immediately. Check them out below!

Funny WhatsApp Status/About Ideas

Without further ado, here are some statuses you and/or your friends might find amusing.  Try them out and see if you get any laughs. Note that the WhatsApp About field is limited to 139 characters, so you can’t put in long jokes. Remember:  Brevity is the soul of wit.

  1. I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.
  2. I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.
  3. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
  4. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  5. Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.
  6. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
  7. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
  8. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
  9. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  10. If people are talking behind your back,  that’s a good time to fart.
  11. Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  12. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  13. A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
  14. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  15. I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
  16. My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  17. Dyslexics are teople poo.
  18. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  19. Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  20. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
  21. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
  22. “Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
  23. Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.
  24. I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.
  25. I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”
  26. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  27. You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.
  28. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  29. Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone?  Neither did I.
  30. You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.
  31. My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them.  We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.
  32. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  33. Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.
  34. Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.
  35. Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.
  36. I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
  37. I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.
  38. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  39. I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
  40. The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?
  41. Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
  42. Hey there! You are using WhatsApp.
  43. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.
  44. Be smarter than your smartphone.
  45. If you’re still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.
  46. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  47. It’s not that I don’t want to go to work.  I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
  48. Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.
  49. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  50. I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.
  51. I’m naturally funny because my whole life is a joke.
  52. I am not perfect, but I am a limited edition.
  53. Hey there! WhatsApp is using me.
  54. I’m not saying you’ve got problems, but have you tried turning yourself off and rebooting?
  55. I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
  56. If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common.
  57. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  58. Fair warning: I know karate. …and some other words.
  59. True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
  60. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  61. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  62. My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  63. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  64. I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
  65. We aren’t friends until we start insulting each other on a daily basis.
  66. There is no “i” in denial.
  67. I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  68. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.
  69. I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.
  70. If you’re looking for a present for me, I take a size large briefcase in hundred dollar bills.
  71. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  72. I don’t worry about terrorism. I’ve been married.
  73. Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
  74. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
  75. I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, bonus burrito.
  76. Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.
  77. A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
  78. I have three kids and no money. Why I can’t I have no kids and three money?
  79. If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of car payments.
  80. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
  81. I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
  82. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  83. I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
  84. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
  85. Status unavailable. Please reload and try again.
  86. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  87. I named my dog “6 Miles” so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
  88. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  89. I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
  90. She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  91. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  92. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
  93. Welcome to WhatsApp.  Our specials tonight are grouper and chicken ala king.
  94. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter, and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
  95. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  96. I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade”.
  97. Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
  98. I salute all my haters with my middle finger.
  99. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  100. Me? Sarcastic? Never.
  101. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
  102. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
  103. Today I have the motivation of a potato.  Don’t hold your breath for a response.
  104. I see that you’re online.  I am online too.  Wanna, like, chat?
  105. I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess.
  106. My son asked me what it’s like to be married, so I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  107. I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
  108. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  109. You think I’m cute when I’m mad? Well, buckle up sweet cheeks – I’m about to get freakin’ adorable.
  110. You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
  111. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  112. Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
  113. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  114. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  115. An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist is afraid this might be true.
  116. I was going to take over the world this morning, but I overslept.
  117. Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
  118. “I’m going to bed” really means… “I’m going to lie in my bed and look at my phone.”
  119. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
  120. It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
  121. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  122. You’re weird. I like you.
  123. God is really creative, I mean… just look at me.
  124. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  125. My life makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.
  126. I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he’s still making fun of me.
  127. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  128. I like to stay in bed. It’s too “people-y” outside.
  129. Home is where my pants are not.
  130. I’m not short, I’m a people McNugget.
  131. I’m in shape. “Potato” is a shape.
  132. I like dating older people because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me.
  133. Sleep is my drug… my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
  134. I don’t think my iPhone is working. I pressed the home button, but I’m still here.
  135. Girl, you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.
  136. Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I sure do.
  137. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  138. Walking my dog, we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.
  139. Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose “impossible” mode.
  140. I’m not fat, I’m fluffy.
  141. In search of sleep, sanity, and the Shire.
  142. Born at a very young age.
  143. I deserve a medal every day I don’t stab someone with a fork.
  144. I like hashtags because they look like waffles #.
  145. I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock.
  146. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
  147. Sausage puns are the wurst.
  148. If you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.
  149. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I can’t put it down.
  150. My last words will be “I left a million dollars under the…”
  151. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
  152. The best things in life are not things.
  153. Sarcasm: a way to insult idiots without them realizing it.
  154. My life is about as organized as a $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
  155. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  156. i dont beleife in spele chek.
  157. Not all men are fools; some stay single.
  158. I haven’t failed, my success is just postponed until later.
  159. I’m already ready for tomorrow’s nap.
  160. Beware of the dog…the cat is also pretty shady.
  161. What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”
  162. Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  163. You’re right, I’m not perfect. But I’m unique!
  164. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
  165. Throwing shade like confetti.
  166. The earth’s rotation really makes my day.
  167. I recently gave up Warcraft, so my productivity and drinking have increased dramatically.
  168. Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
  169. We go together like drunk and disorderly!
  170. Oops… I used WhatsApp again!
  171. Oh, I’m sorry, was my sass too much for you?
  172. The show was called Spongebob Squarepants, but everyone knows the star was Patrick.
  173. The wheel’s still turning but the hamster is dead.
  174. You drink too much and gossip too much. Let’s be friends.
  175. I told the doctor that I’d broken my arm in several places. He said not to go to those places.
  176. Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
  177. Asking me if I want another drink is like asking me if I want some money.
  178. If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, that would be an amazing coincidence.
  179. Scratch here to see my status.
  180. There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
  181. Putting the “hot” in “psychotic.”
  182. I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
  183. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
  184. Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He’s alright now.
  185. Knock knock!  Who’s there?  Obviously not me.  Get over it.
  186. The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
  187. It’s a new millennium, where’s the “Fold” button on my dryer?
  188. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”
  189. Life happens. Coffee helps.
  190. Professional procrastinator.
  191. I woke up this way.
  192. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!
  193. Time flies after you hit the snooze button.
  194. Nice guys finish lunch.
  195. I need to go to Wal-Mart but I can’t find my pajamas.
  196. WiFi, food, my bed. Perfection.
  197. After Monday and Tuesday, every calendar says WTF.
  198. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to realize it was just a Fanta sea.  
  199. I’m the world’s best dentist. I have a little plaque.
  200. By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
  201. I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of my life.
  202. If everyone on Earth joined hands around the Equator, many of them would drown.
  203. A caffeine-dependent life form.
  204. I will go into survival mode if tickled.
  205. I like long, romantic walks down every aisle of Target.
  206. I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
  207. My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
  208. If I’m already in my sweatpants, I’m not leaving the house again.
  209. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
  210. I was at a funeral and the widow asked if I would say a word. I said “plethora”. She said “thanks, that means a lot!”
  211. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  212. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
  213. How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
  214. I’m a glowstick – I had to break before I could shine.
  215. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  216. I’d tell a chemistry joke but it’s pretty basic.
  217. Just keep swimming.
  218. Me: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut.
  219. I’m the result of a natural 20.
  220. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  221. One person’s LOL is another’s WTF.
  222. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
  223. Being weird is the side effect of awesomeness.
  224. Gonna be a great day. But first: coffee.
  225. They say I’m tightly wound, but I’m a frayed knot.
  226. Secretly a wizard.
  227. My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.
  228. If you message me and I don’t message you back, it’s because I fainted from happiness.
  229. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
  230. Living vicariously through myself.
  231. I’m not actually funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
  232. What would the honey badger do?
  233. I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  234. Save 50% on pictures: 500 words only. Limited-time offer.
  235. The bags under my eyes are Gucci.
  236. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  237. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.
  238. One hat says to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
  239. A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, “Make me one with everything.”
  240. The bill came to $50.  The leprechaun looked in his wallet and said, “Shoot.  I’m short.”

That’s a wrap. Hopefully, our list has gotten a chuckle or two. Try some of our suggestions and see how they go over with your friends. Enjoy!

Like this kind of humor? You should check out the Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book for a lot more of these kinds of witty one-liners.

Want more funny jokes and one-liners for your social media accounts?

Check out our list of funny names for your online group hangout.

Punch up your Instagram account with our list of funny Instagram bios or our other list of more funny Instagram bios.

We’ve got a whole bunch of funny Instagram captions.

Hashtag time! Here are some funny hashtags for Instagram.

Have an Echo? See our list of hilarious Alexa commands.

How to Get Your Airpods to Automatically Connect

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5 thoughts on “240 Funny WhatsApp Statuses to Make Your Friends Laugh”

Hh says:
Essa says:
Awesome number 10 is great
Muhammed says:
209 is the best.
Jmae says:
LOL .. yes. I looking for it.
Amit Kumar Sarkar says:
Oof says:

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Robert Hayes

Mar 5, 2020

144 Articles Published